


The Way to a Man's Heart is Through a Root Canal

by AVegetarianCannibal



Series: Season 1 Fluffverse [1]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Crack, Just pure crack, M/M, stoned Hannibal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 14:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6156574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AVegetarianCannibal/pseuds/AVegetarianCannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Graham gets an urgent and drooling call for help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way to a Man's Heart is Through a Root Canal

**Author's Note:**

> This is some Season 1 AU where Will calls Hannibal by his first name because it just sounded weird using "Dr. Lecter" through this whole thing.

Will answered the phone, expecting to hear Dr. Lecter's voice, but was greeted only with heavy, moist-sounding breathing.

“Dr. Lecter? Is that you?” he asked. He double-checked the caller ID. “Hannibal?”

A raspy gurgle was the only reply he received.

“If this is a prank call,” he started.

“No, icks me,” came the voice on the other end at last. “Wheel, Ah knee hulp!”

Okay, that was definitely Hannibal, Will realized, but he sounded weird as hell.

“Ah knee hulp!” came the urgent plea once again.

“Oh, you need help! Is that it? Are you asking me for help?” Will asked. “Christ, this is worse than trying to figure out what Lassie wanted.”

There was a brief rustle as Hannibal handed over the phone, and then a woman’s voice took over. “Sir, your boyfriend required a bit more dental work than we anticipated,” she said. “He’s really, really out of it and needs you to pick him up.”

 

* * *

 

 

Will half-carried Hannibal out of the dentist’s office and into his car. “We’ll come back for yours tomorrow,” he said. “Let’s just get you home for now.”

The muscles in Hannibal’s face were slack, his cheeks puffy where ample gauze padding had been packed following his root canal. His eyes were sleepy, his expression adoring.

“So you told them I was your boyfriend,” Will said as he started the car.

“I chuss said Ah uffed you,” Hannibal said. “Nuss passume da ress.”

“You just said you loved me,” Will translated, “and the nurse presumed the rest?”

Hannibal nodded enthusiastically and let himself slump onto Will’s right shoulder. “Ah uff you, Wheel.”

“Sure ya do, buddy,” Will laughed.

They were nearly to their destination when Hannibal suddenly sat up and began petting Will’s face. “Ah wan you ta may uff to me, Wheel. MAY UFF TO ME.”

Will turned that over in his head a few times, not quite believing what his own brain was telling him it meant. He had to be wrong. They were just friends. Sure, a drugged Hannibal might tell a nurse he loved him, but…

Hannibal dropped a hand onto Will’s upper thigh and squeezed. “May uff to me.”

_Make love to me._

“Oh my fucking God,” Will said under his breath.

 

* * *

 

 

Will struggled to get the door open with Hannibal leaning on him so hard–and not just leaning, but caressing and squeezing everything within reach. “Ah ant you SO BAH!” Hannibal half shouted.

“You want me so bad,” Will repeated. “Got it.”

“Tay me to beh,” Hannibal said, suddenly grabbing Will by both shoulders and staring as intensely as his drug-addled eyes would allow.

“Yes, I am trying to take you to bed,” Will said. “You need to sleep this off.”

“No! Nah seepah,” Hannibal said. He lowered his voice to a whisper. “Fuckeh.”

_Not sleeping. Fucking._

Hannibal closed his eyes and leaned in as if for a kiss. Drool pooled at the corners of his mouth, then dribbled out in twin strings. Hannibal puckered, or tried to, seeing as how the gauze prevented most of the muscles in his cheeks from moving. He looked like an aquarium fish at feeding time.

“If you keep looking at me like that,” Will said, “we won’t make it to a bed.”

Will had meant it as a joke, but Hannibal stumbled backwards and started removing his suit jacket. Of course he had worn a three-piece to get a root canal.

Hannibal started humming something. With all that gauze in the way, it took Will a few moments to realize he was trying his best to improvise striptease music. Hannibal tore the buttons off his waistcoat with such fervor that he lost his balance and flopped right onto the floor. Hard.

Will rushed over, managing to slide his hand under Hannibal’s head just before it hit the floor. Hannibal was already snoring, and a puddle of drool was already forming in Will’s palm. Will already knew he would be there until Hannibal woke again, to make sure he didn’t choke in his sleep. "Told you we wouldn’t make it to a bed,” Will sighed.

**Author's Note:**

> This was the result of another Tumblr prompt: “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.” The prompter was probably hoping for something sexy, and I produced this goofy mess instead.


End file.
